You’re waiting in the checkout line at the store when your son suddenly grabs a
“Frozen 2”
stuffed animal. “Mommy, can I get this Olaf doll? I really, really want it!”
If you say no to him, he shouts “I hate you!” so loudly that everybody can hear before starting one of his usual tantrums: flailing about, bawling, yelling. Others are giving you disapproving looks, and you understand exactly what they’re thinking: “What an entitled little brat.”
If this scenario seems recognizable, you’re not mistaken. The issue of the entitled child persists.
seems to be deteriorating
Indeed, 59% of parents believe their children are more pampered compared to when they were the same age, as indicated by a 2011 survey.
Parenting and Today Moms.
We sought insights from parenting experts who highlighted the indicators that suggest you may be raising a spoilt child. Additionally, they provided guidance on how to address and correct these tendencies.
What Constitutes a ‘Spoiled’ Child, Really?
A pampered child typically gets their way whenever they desire, with very few exceptions.
“Each child may have a bad day—and even grown-ups do—but entitled children remain fixated on themselves,” he stated.
Michele Borba
, an educational psychologist and writer of
UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Children Thrive in Our Self-Obsessed Society.
“Everything revolves around
Their requirements, worries, emotions, preferences, aspirations.
while everyone else settles for second place.”
Clinical psychologist
Laura Markham
has a problem with the term “spoiled” as she feels it implies the child has been irreparably damaged. She also dislikes labeling a youngster as a “brat.” Upon reflection, these severe terms might not be entirely fair since they often place blame on the children rather than acknowledging that it’s primarily the responsibility of their caregivers to shape such behaviors.
“Children act based on what we teach them and what expectations we set for them,” says Markham, who founded the website.
Aha! Parenting
“I’ve mentioned that if we’ve raised our children with excessive leniency and haven’t established boundaries, the child won’t be accustomed to respecting proper limitations,” he stated.
If parents pamper their offspring, their motives usually stem from positive but misdirected thoughts. They coddle their children in an effort to offer them the finest existence imaginable, providing all the things Mother and/or Father lacked during childhood. Certain guardians might fear that saying “no” firmly could harm the youngster’s emotions or undermine their self-esteem. In some cases, though, moms and dads simply feel too drained to establish boundaries—or even bother setting any at all.
It’s simply easier to yield when you’re exhausted,” Borba remarked. “We find it difficult to say ‘no’ after being away [at work] all day.
Indicators That Your Child Might Be Overindulged
Uncertain if your child falls into this category? Here are seven expert-supported indicators that they may be overly pampered and lacking discipline.
1. When you say “no,” they have a fit until they get what they want.
When you inform all children that they cannot, for instance, eat pizza for dinner two consecutive evenings, they might show some dissatisfaction. However, spoiled children find it especially challenging to accept being told “no.”
Tantrums could be considered developmentally normal for toddlers or very young children who struggle to communicate their needs effectively, according to marriage and family therapist
LeNaya Smith Crawford
However, if such tantrums occur frequently and do not diminish as the child grows older, this might suggest that they have been indulged too much.
How does your child generally react when you say ‘no’?” asked Borba. “Children who are spoiled often struggle with this word because they assume they will always receive what they desire and frequently do.
2. They’re always discontent with their possessions.
Children who are spoiled might possess every toy and piece of clothing imaginable, yet it is never sufficient; they constantly desire additional amounts.
“Since they possess so much, they often take things for granted and can be quite greedy,” Borba stated.
Rather than showing appreciation for what they possess, they’re more preoccupied with acquiring the next item.
They might begin to say ‘thanks’ less often and ‘I want’ more frequently,
Smith Crawford said.
3. They believe the universe centers on themselves.
Children who are spoiled often tend to be self-focused. They generally do not
worried about causing inconvenience to others
.
Borba mentioned that children who are spoiled tend to prioritize their own needs over those of others,” she stated. “These kids often feel deserving of privileges and anticipate receiving special treatment.
4. They demand things ASAP.
Bratty children aren’t particularly patient: When they want something, they want it
now.
“It’s typically simpler to yield to the child’s demands rather than delay responding,” Borba stated.
5. They’re sore losers.
No child likes to lose, whether it’s a board game or a tennis match, but those who are spoilt might struggle more with handling their disappointment when they don’t emerge victorious.
“If your kid consistently attributes bad outcomes to others, insists on individual acclaim for every action they take, shouts at people not conforming to their methods, and doesn’t acknowledge the achievements of their peers or rivals, you might be dealing with an indulged child,” notes the therapist.
Virginia Williamson informed Best Life
.
Keep in mind, there isn’t a gene responsible for beingspoiled. It’s a behavior we acquire and can therefore unacquire—ideally as swiftly as possible.
Michele Borba, educational psychologist
6. They persist until they achieve their goals.
Children who are accustomed to getting what they want might use deceptive strategies or manipulate situations to obtain approval, which could involve telling lies or playing one parent off against the other.
“For instance, approaching one parent and stating that the other parent agreed they could have the desired item,” explained Smith Crawford.
7. They won’t finish even basic chores unless you plead with them or offer incentives.
It’s typical for children to require some encouragement.
clean their teeth or tidy up their toys
For instance, children might ignore requests initially. However, when parents instruct them to do something, they ought to comply. Should your kid often decline simple tasks unless you beg or offer rewards like cash, sweets, or toys, this pattern of behavior may establish unhealthy precedents.
“If you depend on incentives like bribes to encourage your child, do not be shocked when you request that your 8-year-old clean the plates from the dining table and they respond with, ‘What will you pay me?'” – Clinical Psychologist
Suzanne Gelb penned an article for her blog
.
Guidance on How to ‘De-Spoil’ a Child
The positive aspect is that children become spoiled over time rather than being born that way. Therefore, reversing this trend is achievable. However, act promptly with these adjustments: the higher the age of the child, the tougher it becomes to make changes.
Keep in mind, there isn’t a gene responsible for beingspoiled,” Borba stated. “This is something we learn and can therefore unlearn—ideally as quickly as possible.
The shift won’t be simple for either you or your child, so get ready for that.
Dedicate yourself to changing your permissive habits, understanding that it will be challenging to stay firm. Be prepared for opposition from your kid.
Let them cry and feel upset,” Markham stated. “Show empathy, but also maintain your boundaries and expect that your child can cope with those limits.
Become accustomed to saying “no” without feeling guilty.
After setting your limits, you must adhere to them persistently.
Include ‘no’ in your lexicon and do not feel bad about employing it with your children,” Borba advised. “Do not allow your child’s entitled behavior to prevail. Do not succumb to each demand.
When setting limits, do so with empathy and understanding, Markham said. You don’t need to be a tyrant for these methods to be effective.
“She mentioned that children tend to accept limitations more easily when they have a warm connection with their parent,” she explained.
Emphasize that giving is better than receiving.
“And s
“Start emphasizing the idea that your identity is more significant than your possessions,” Borba stated.
Cultivate thankfulness together as a household.
Whether at the dining table or before going to bed, Smith Crawford suggests taking a few moments to express gratitude for the intangible aspects of your life.
“A
As a family, take turns going around in a circle and mention intangible items you’re thankful for along with an experience from the day that brought joy,” she explained. “This method helps introduce the concept of being grateful and acknowledging positivity every day.
Instruct them to show consideration for others.
If every aspect of your child’s world revolves around “me, me, me,” try shifting the emphasis to “we.”
Seek out these common occasions,” Borba suggested. “For example, ‘Why don’t we ask Alice what she’d enjoy doing?’ or ‘Can you guess how Dad might be feeling right now?’ You could also say, ‘Could you inquire about your friend’s preferred game,’ or even consider, ‘Shall we spend some time volunteering at the soup kitchen?’
Keep in mind that children react most positively to praise rather than penalties.
“Should you desire your child to fulfill your expectations, consider what type of support they require to achieve those goals,” Markham stated.
Assist them in valuing the small aspects of daily living.
Demonstrate to them that there is abundant happiness in the small delights, such as enjoying the outdoors or sharing valuable moments with loved ones and companions.
“F
Finding daily moments to engage and interact with your kids through play is among the best actions a parent can take to reduce most behavioral issues,”
Smith Crawford said.
